Before writing about the new discoveries about our internal world changes, I feel it’s important to focus on how we make new discoveries and how we understand them. There isn’t anyone in our life who explains what is happening, or when or how or why. When we close our eyes, we see colors; but prior to the metamorphosis (which is how we see it now) of our internal world, when we looked inside, we would see the things we have already described – the Communication Room, the wood door, and the internal structures. In the past month or so we unexpectedly discovered that the internal world we have known in the past was gone, and instead we have the open space, the bright light with wings, and the fortress. About a week ago we discovered terrified little ones hiding in the shadows of the fortress, and realized that these little ones have never had the benefit of therapy or internal supportive relationships. Further more, they are extremely resistant to having any interaction with others (either others who are parts of us or others who are part of our external support). We now know that there is one who is willing and able to speak for these littles. We have actually been aware of her for months, but we didn’t realize who she was, where she was from, or what her role would be. We call her the Story Teller, because when she speaks, she begins by saying, “Once upon a time”. That was all she said until about two weeks ago when she started to say,” Once upon a time, there was a little girl.” We now understand that she will be the spokesperson for the newly discovered little ones who are unable to speak for themselves.
I’m guessing that those who read this are wondering how we learn about or gain understanding about these changes. Some of it is what we call “a knowing”. This is an experience at least some other multiples have in common. When a new personality comes out for the first time in a long time, there are countless things that are a necessary part of daily routine that the newly out personality isn’t necessarily aware of – like what the family routines are (who needs to go where and when for example; or how to operate the dishwasher or where the plates and silverware are kept, etc.). If you were to ask that personality to tell you about those things, they wouldn’t be able to answer because it isn’t registered in their brain space; but if they just move/go/do without trying to figure out in advance what was going to happen, the body/mind does what it is in the habit of doing. We call that a knowing. So, when the kids were in school, the newly out personality might be clueless about where the schools were or how to get to them; but if they just let the body do what it knows to do, turning when it feels inclined to turn, it will end up at the right place. It;s a skill that develops and the more often the knowing is correct, the more confident we become in trusting it.
So we apply this same principle of knowing to understanding what changes are taking place inside. For as long as I have been aware of our internal world, there has been these structures. When they suddenly disappeared, we made the best sense out of it that we could. When we discover something new about it, we adapt our understanding. So at first we thought the walls and structures were gone because we were on the verge of a mass integration (instead of being many separate personalities, we anticipated that perhaps soon we would be a few or possibly one personality). Our most recent revelation is that our structures have not been removed, but instead have been metamorphosed into two new spaces – one which will be called the Sanctuary (which will not have walls or individual ownership of space), and the Refuge (which is the structure we have been calling the fortress). And we know this through a combination of Spirit lead Bible study and knowing.
Here are some of the Bible passages that the Holy Spirit took us to in order to come to this new understanding:
Psalm 62:7,8 “With God rests my salvation and my glory; He is my Rock of unyielding strength and impenetrable hardness, and my refuge is in God! Trust in, lean on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people, and pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower).
Isaiah 8:14a “And He shall be a sanctuary [a sacred and indestructible asylum to those who reverently fear and trust in Him]
Psalm 63:7,8 “For You have been my help, and in the shadows of Your wings will I rejoice. My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You;”
Psalm 36:27 “How precious is Your steadfast love, O God. The children of men take refuge and put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.”
1 Corinthians 3:16 “Do you not discern and understand that you[as a whole] are God’s temple (His sanctuary) and that God’s Spirit has His permanent dwelling in you [to be at home in you, collectively and also individually]?
There are actually 23 separate passages of Scripture that together God used to give us new understanding about our new internal world. We are still in a season of discovery, so next week we very well might have further revelation to share.
My heart goes out to you, dear reader. This is a whole lot to take in and understand. I can only pray that God will help you as you try to grasp all that I have included in this post.