Sharing with you God’s Christmas gift to me this year

Posted on December 24, 2011 by

It’s been several months now since I started looking for my binder that contains most of my creative writing. I’ve searched every place I could think of several times without success. I had no alternative but to assume I had lost them. Maybe it had been thrown out or taken to Good Will in a misplaced box or something. Anyway, it was gone.

Until tonight. I was looking for collapsible boxes to wrap Christmas gifts in when out of the blue there it was – my binder that I had looked and looked for. I had looked in that general area several times in all my searching but had somehow missed it altogether. My heart soared the from depths it has been in lately, and I was filled with praise and thankfulness to my Heavenly Father, Who whispered in my spirit a jolly, “Merry Christmas, dear one.”

And so now I will share some of them with you:

The one I will share tonight was written during the hospitalization when I was first diagnosed with MPD. It was the first time of several times when I was deeply troubled and felt an almost undeniable urge to write. As I say with my hand posed over the paper, thinking of what I needed to write, my hand took off without any intention on my part. I probably could have resisted and ended the process, but I was rather enthralled with what was happening and I watched as words formed on the paper without ever entering my conscious thoughts. Here is what I wrote:

Turbulent  Waters

I believe Jesus is holding our hand, leading us through his frigid, murky river; but we can feel the sharp stones bruising and piercing our feet.  The icy water chills us until we are numb, and then seems to set our skin on fire with deep penetrating cold that burns.  The current rushes around us tugging one way and then another, trying to pry our hand out of our Savior’s in order to drag us under and away from our Stronghold and Guide.  The waters rise around our neck and at times consume our whole head, sending us into a blind panic, making death seem like sweet relief.

But Jesus always draws us closer to Himself and we gain courage and strength from Him as we are able to continue our perilous journey.  I reaffirm my faith that He is willing and able to guide and protect us.  At times He will carry us through this river which is too strong for us to cross without Him, and we will arrive safely on the other side.

Isaiah 43:1-3 (NKJ) “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, nor shall the flames scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel,” (the holy one of Abigail) “your Savior.”

Hebrews 13: 5,6: (Amplified)  He (God) Himself has said, “I will not in any way fail you nor give you up or leave you without support.  I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless, nor forsake nor let you down, relax My hold on you – assuredly not!”  So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, “The Lord is my Helper, I will not be seized with alamr – I will not fear or dread or be terrified.  What can man do to me?”

Romans 8: 38,39: (Amplified) For I am persuaded beyond doubt – am sure – that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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m-u-l-t-i-p-l-e-s

Posted on December 21, 2011 by

M-  memory loss  One of the frustrating things about being a multiple is the gaps of memory that each personality experiences, especially when there has not been sufficient healing to increase internal communication.

U-  unfamiliar  Prior to diagnosis, it was a common experience to suddenly become aware that my surroundings were unfamiliar to me, even though I was sure they ought to be. When a personality hasn’t been out for a long time, they can be unfamiliar with normal routines, location of things in their own home, and people who are friends or acquaintances of other personalities.

L-  loosing time  It is very common for multiples to struggle with time loss. It could be anything ranging from a few minutes to years; and it’s very frustrating.

T-  triggers  Triggers can be anything from a sound to a color to a billboard. Switches of personalities can be triggered, or memories can be triggered.

I-  integration  Total integration of all personalities used to be considered the goal of therapy; but after many years of therapists coming up with ways to force or manipulate integration to happen, it was realized that integration would happen naturally when personalities were given the individual therapy they needed to heal from their emotional and psychological injuries, and interpersonal communication was encouraged.

P-  plural references to self  Even multiples who have never been diagnosed frequently refer to themselves in the plural sense. They will often say, “We feel…..” or “If it was left up to us….” when they are speaking of themselves. We have taken the liberty of combining plural and singular senses because for us it best expresses who we are referring to. We might say, ” Ourself”, for example.

L-living/survival  At the core of multiplicity is the drive to survive. It’s all about living the healthiest life possible, especially for the birth personality.

E- emotional swings  Multiples are often misdiagnosed as having manic depression because the separate personalities may be in very different emotional states so if there is a switch between a personality who is very happy and a personality who is very depressed, the affect that is witnessed by an outsider appears to have changed drastically for no apparent reason.

S- switching  When a personality who was out goes in and a different personality comes out, that is called switching. Multiples can switch very spontaneously quite frequently or very infrequently. In our case, we tend to switch personalities within the same group frequently, as in several times a day; but in the past year or more we have tended to have one primary personality out for a period of weeks to months at a time.

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What God Wants for Christmas

Posted on December 16, 2011 by

Family Life Today has created a wonderful tool to help children grasp what celebrating Christmas is really all about. It is a multimedia presentation anyone can use who has access to a CD player, a little space, and some inquisitive children. It’s designed to build a child’s anticipation by taking a few moments seven different times in the same way advent does (in fact, in can be used throughout the advent season) to focus on one aspect of the Christmas story. In the case of What God Wants for Christmas, each session begins with opening one of seven presents.  Inside each present is a piece of a Christmas creche, and the words that can be read out of a book that is included or listened to on the CD are presented in rhyme expressing the story as being told from the perspective  of the creche piece that is inside the present. Each time the anticipation is built for what will be in the last present which is what God wants for Christmas from each child. The last box is empty except for a mirror inside the bottom so when the child looks inside the box he sees his/her own reflection as a representation of what God wants for Christmas. The kit includes a flyer/tract on how to lead a child to accept Christ into their own heart, and a stand-up creche to place each piece into when it is opened.  The whole thing comes in a box that makes storage between Christmas’s easy, so it can be used year after year.

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A touchy subject: demons or alters – who’s who

Posted on December 14, 2011 by

A member of the Plex group

We’ve touched on this topic before, and it’s never a comfortable subject; but it’s pretty unavoidable if you are going to deal with DID from a Christian perspective. I hope I’m not just reiterating what others have already said, but it’s applicable again today because we are embarking on another book-reading about deliverance, and in this case the author actually validates the existence of alters and reality of DID even though his primary topic is deliverance. The title of the book is Two Hours to Freedom by Charles H. Kraft. We approach this topic with extreme care and prayer along with a heavy dose of critical  discernment. We subjected ourself to an extreme deliverance experience in which we were freed from demons who had attached themselves to specific personalities but many of us were brainwashed into believing we were demons and others of us were driven so far from consciousness that even though it happened many years ago there are still personalities who have not returned to consciousness. I’m guessing that is a pretty confusing sentence to comprehend and sort out, and I apologize for that, but I don’t know how to put it any better. The pastor who did the deliverances believed all personalities except the birth personality are demons, so he treated all other personalities as demons except for the personality he thought was the birth personality. It’s kind of humorous to to me that the whole time he was acting like he knew what the rest of the world was not discerning enough to figure out  he was missing the fact that the personality he was working with was one of the “demons” he was supposedly trying to get rid of for us. Guess I  could be accused of having a warped sense of humor but I think it’s funny. You have to admit, it is at least ironic.

Going back to Two Hours to Freedom,Dr. Kraft uses terms including “inner child”, “inner selves”, and “inner persons” to describe younger parts of a person who are quote, “really a personification of memories”. He discusses this under the subheading of Characteristics of Inner Children on pages 85 & 86; and then he distinguishes this from MPD/DID on page 86. This is confusing for us to read because we think of our child personalities as “inner children” as apposed to our “external children” who we gave birth to. Dr. Kraft thinks of his term of “inner children” as a mild form of dissociation. It really makes me wonder just how much he really knows and understands about dissociation and/or DID.

Dr. Kraft addresses the issue of whether a problem is being caused by psychological issues or demonization in the following way (pages 94-98): Most people tend to think there can only be one source of the trouble – either emotional/psychological or spiritual/demon possesion (which Dr. Kraft says is an improper term and should be referred to as a person being demonized instead). Dr. Kraft suggests that most often it is a matter of both being legitimate causes. The emotional/psychological issues are like garbage that attracts the rats, or demons; so both must be dealt with in order to achieve complete freedom from symptoms.

I guess that’s enough to discuss for now, but I think there may be a significant amount of good that can be gained from reading this book more carefully.

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Paradoxs of Christmas

Posted on December 10, 2011 by

Plex:

This is a very paradoxical time of year for us, as it is for many others.

For years prior to 1979 it was full of happy anticipation and preparations – Christmas pageants and Christmas caroling, making presents and decorations, Christmas baking, and special music services. The focus was on the blessings of God’s Promise being fulfilled in the birth of a Baby Savior.Yet even this was set with a backdrop of a cross that was yet to come – an unthinkable evil necessary for the complete fulfillment for God’s promise to mankind. Herod made the threat very real to the new mother and father who had to flee in the night to protect their new tiny charge soon after his birth.

We felt the threat of impending disaster keenly in the Christmas season of 1979. In all honesty we had little time to think about it in the days prior to Christmas because all our strength and energy was being focused on sustaining Mother’s life and easing her suffering. The awfulness of what was happening didn’t fully sink in until we watched relatives come to see her for one last time and were stunned to see them flee from the room traumatized by the sights and smells that had previously gone unnoticed by us. She was our mother – our dear, precious mother; and we were too intent on easing her pain and distress to notice how grotesque her appearance had become. For three days and nights we listened as mother saw heaven’s doors and begged and pleaded for God to open if further to let her in. It seemed cruel at the time – if He was going to take her then why must she linger and plead for entrance into her relief.  Later we would look back and see that death came at the perfect time. We were at the airport picking up my brother and fiance when she breathed her last. If she had died earlier my brother would not have had a chance to see how merciful her death was – how significantly the cancer had impacted her life; because she gave her body to the university in the hopes of easing the suffering of other cancer patients in the future. And since her death came while we were on our way home from the airport he did not have to experience the intensity of her suffering – hear her calling out for God to open a window if not a door to let her in. These excruciating memories will forever be part of my memories of this time of year; and they rip at my very soul even still today.

Since then we have lost other dearly loved ones during this season; and although their deaths did not have the same traumatic impact as my mother’s death, still we feel the lose keenly and their loss compounds our grief this time of year. Our grief doesn’t errace the happy memories of earlier years, or the happy memories of Christmases with our dear children; but neither do the happy memories replace the grief-filled ones. Instead they blend into a bittersweet concoction that leaves a warm but heavy feeling deep in the pit of our being.

Even as I share this paradoxical experience that has come to be part of the Christmas season for us, we are very aware that there are many people who have suffered tremendous loss this time of year and who also suffer. As hard as this time of year is for us, we are extremely grateful for the comfort and blessing of a Savior who is well acquainted with all our grief; and it makes it an unthinkable realization that some people suffer their loss without an awareness of a compassionate Comrade. Are you one of these? Oh, dear soul, hear my heart cry to you and on your behalf to the only One who knows your pain completely. Do not suffer alone one moment longer. There are many ways for you to reach out to Him Who is right now reaching out to you. You can call 1-800-NEEDHIM or go to needhim.org where there will be someone who you can talk to and who will be able to help you discover what life without aloneness can be like.

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The Little Drummer Boy/ Me & my blog

Posted on December 7, 2011 by

Plex:

“Come, they told me, Pa rum pum pum pum”

Does that bring back sweet memories from the past for you, too? It surely does for me.

I was listening to that favorite Christmas carol just yesterday when my mind took me on a twisted journey of insight. I’m hoping I can express it in a way that will be meaningful to you, too.

One of my favorite Christmas memories is watching the TV animated version of “The Little Drummer Boy” that played around this time of year every year for quite a while. Since we rarely watch any TV at all anymore, I have no idea if it is still being played or maybe even is available to purchase today. One of the added twists of the story includes a favorite pet lamb being badly injured in a freak accident just before the drummer boy reaches the manger. The drummer boy lovingly places the injured lamb down before the infant, Jesus; and while he plays his drum for the Christ Child the lamb is restored to health.( I’m not sure if I have all the details correct in this case – it’s been so long since I’ve seen it; but that is how I remember it, anyway.)

Yesterday, as I was listening to the song play, the images of the TV version played back in my head.

“I am a poor boy, too pa rum pum pum pum.” [I thought of our Christmases during our childhood – how there was always a small amount of gifts under our tree compared to the gifts my friends received, but we didn’t feel the lack very much because of the warm and treasured memories of Christmas experiences and worship that filled the season with non material blessings.]

“I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum. That’s fit to give a king, pa rum pum pum pum” [here comes the twist: My mind went to a message I heard some years ago – I don’t remember who was speaking, but they were talking about when Moses was at the burning bush arguing with God about His idea that Moses was the man He was choosing to go to Egypt and demand that Pharaoh set His people free. The speaker was focusing on the part where God asked Moses, “What’s that you have in your hand” and Moses replied it was the Shepherd’s rod he used to guide the sheep. He made the point that God used the tool in Moses hand to work miracles that brought about His purposes; and then asked the listener to think about what tool is in the listeners hand – a spatula? a wrench? a computer?…that God wants to use in the listener’s life to bring about His purposes. I thought about what I have to bring as a gift to my Savior and King; and I thought about this blog.]

“Shall I play for You, pa rum pum pum pum. On my drum…I played my best for Him  pa rum pum pum pum” [In my heart I spoke to my King as I lifted this blog up to Him, presenting it to Him as a gift offering, “Here is my gift to You, Precious Savior. With Your blessing I will do my best to honor You with this gift I bring. May it give You honor and be the instrument You can use for Your purposes for our life.”]

“Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum.”  [Me and my blog]

 

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Christian Radio and the Many of Me

Posted on December 4, 2011 by

written by Plex

You may have noticed, I reference several radio broadcasts. I’m thinking it’s about time I explain why.

Back in the days when our external children were small and I was married to a man who injured me deeply and significantly on a frequent basis, I was desperate for healthy input and instruction on how to be a good Christian wife and mother as well as spiritual nurturing. Christian radio met that need.

During the years when I spent a lot of time in the hospital, I became more regular in my Christian radio listening, making a point to listen to certain programs nearly every day. There were children’s programs, like “Adventures in Odyssey” produced by Focus on the Family and “Uncle Charlie” – a radio program my mother listened to when she was younger and I remember from my childhood. Both my internal children and external children could enjoy listening to these together. There were also several programs directed towards parenting and marriage issues; and others were focused on  sound Bible teaching, like Chuck Swindol’s  “Insight for Living” and another one that for some reason escapes my memory right now. These became a source of daily Spiritual nurturing and instruction that were even more crucial to me when I frequently was unable to attend church.

Even though life has brought about many changes and a variety of new challenges, Christian radio continues to be a significant part of our life. We make a point to financially support our local Christian radio stations as well as some of the programs that we listen to regularly.

If you relate to the need for spiritual nurturing and practical instruction and inspiration for daily living, we encourage you to find your local Christian radio station and benefit from all they have to offer. If you already listen to Christian radio, we encourage you to also financially support your station as well as any program you benefit from on a regular basis.

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How Do I Know I am a Multiple? Because…..

Posted on December 1, 2011 by

12/1/11

Plex:

 The following reasons I know I am a multiple are not listed in order of significance. Some of these reasons would not constitute a basis for diagnosis standing alone, but when joined to the other reasons listed below,  they make the diagnosis even more sure.

One of the earliest memories is one of looking down at my own infant body being nursed by my mother after a severe trauma (at a specific point in the trauma I was aware of a strong desire to escape what was happening to me along with a sense of crying out in my mind for help, followed by the sensation of floating to the ceiling away from the extreme pain and terror I had been feeling before I floated to the ceiling). There was both a desire to reenter my body to receive the comfort of my mother’s arms and of nursing along with an awareness that the baby I was looking down at had done a great service to me and a desire to let her be comforted before me.

At a slightly older age but still infancy, my parents left me in the care of a couple they trusted while they took my older brother to a different state for much needed surgery and rehabilitation. I believed my parents had abandoned me and I wanted to die. I have several very clear memories of trauma that took place during this time; but when my father came to pick me up, he commented (and wrote in his prayer journal) that he didn’t recognize the baby he picked up – that the baby he picked up was not his little girl. The next day his journal said, “We have our little girl back!”

My father kept a file of each of his children’s school work at each age (including before school started). Periodically I would pull my file out and look at the things in it. Some of them I recognized and others I didn’t even though they had my name on them. As I got older the style of handwriting changed significantly several times.

During my teen years I was aware of living very divergent lives simultaneously. I was frightened by this and I was convinced I was crazy and I had to keep anyone from knowing just how crazy life was for me. It was during my teen years that I remember hearing the different voices inside my head. [please note: hearing voices originating outside of ones head is characteristic of schizophrenia; but hearing voices inside ones head is characteristic of DID]. Some of my child personalities remember talking to others inside their head during elementary school, but I don’t.

During my college years, the different styles of handwriting as well as the different styles of doodling are clearly evident. You can match up handwriting styles & doodles with note taking habits. When we look at them we can remember taking some of them but not others. Certain hand writings were present for some classes but not for others. The last semester (following my mother’s death and during a time when my own physician was telling me that I shouldn’t attempt to take classes because my own health was so poor at the time) switching was out of control, and my notes scream multiplicity. In fact, the wrong personality was out during one final exam and I got a 15% score.

When I was first hospitalized for psychiatric treatment, an EEG was done. During the EEG there was a switch which showed up on the EEG strip. It puzzled the doctor and technician because the part of the pattern that changed was not the part that indicated seizure activity but the part that identified the patient (each person has a brain wave pattern that is distinct from every other person, like a finger print; and this was the part of the EEG print out that changed).

When I was diagnosed with a post-partum depression, I took my dog on walks; and frequently I would be walking along and suddenly realize I didn’t recognize the houses and stores I was walking past. I would go to the next street sign and it would also be unfamiliar to me. Then I would try to grasp onto anything familiar & realize I didn’t know what state I was in or what year it was. About that time my dog would sense my confusion and he would gentle lead me back to my house. Even standing in my own yard I would not recognize my house. Either my husband or my children would notice me standing out on the lawn and come out to get me.

The psychiatrist who diagnosed us had been working with multiples for decades. He really knows what to look for and he was/is confident about his diagnosis in our case. One of the reasons for his confidence stems from the fact that at the time a personality first presented herself who was not the birth personality, we were inpatient under his supervision. He gave orders that no one was to talk to me about multiplicity so I had no outside source of information from which to glean things to imitate. Even under these conditions, many of the evidences of multiplicity were clearly present. The therapy this doctor initiated was extremely successful.

This is not a comprehensive list but it is enough to make it clear that my symptoms were present long before I received psychiatric treatment, and the diagnosis is sound. I keep thinking of more things I could add, like medical tests and things that convinced my general practitioner that the diagnosis is correct and that he needs to take the multiplicity into consideration when doing medical tests or treating medical illnesses. That being said, I think what is here is enough.

If any of this raises questions in your mind or needs clarification to you, please send us a post and we will be glad to respond.

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A R…E…A…L…L…Y S…L…O…W…Computer +Real Multiplicity

Posted on November 29, 2011 by

11/29/11

Plex:

I think of myself as a pretty patient person. I admit to wanting to complete the sentence for people who are struggling to come up with the right word to express their thought. Occasionally I get a little short of patience; but this computer is going to drive me up a wall!!!! (I’m slightly perturbed at the moment – can you guess why?) I just spent a full 20 minutes connecting with the internet.

One nice thing about dissociation, you can feel something intensely and quickly put it aside by focusing on something else.

That doesn’t sound too out-of-the-ordinary, does it? Thus arises a  dilemma  common to multiples. People tend to either think of it as something so far out there that it is impossible to comprehend or else they see it as a very common phenomenon that other people are exaggerating into a mental health diagnosis.

An illustration comes to mind. I believe it was James McDonald who was making this point in his message on Walk In The Word yesterday. He had been in a Harley Davidson shop in conversation with a sales person there when he was asked the question: “With so many religions out there and everyone thinking they have THE true one, how can you know there even is a right one?” (or something along those lines). While he was thinking of a response, someone outside of the shop started up a Harley and one of the two in conversation commented that there was no mistaking the sound of a Harley – there just isn’t anything quite like it. [inspiration:] James picked up the previous conversation with: ” A lot of cycles are made to look like and sound like a Harley, and some of them can come pretty close; but the very fact that there are so many imitations out there attests to the fact that there is a real Harley out there worth copying.James McDonald’s point is obvious -the presence of so many religions out there attest to the fact that there is a true God and true religion.

I think he makes a good point, but it also made me think of how it applies to multiplicity. There is a wide variance of thought on the topic of DID. Some people believe it is a disorder created by unethical professionals who use hypnosis or other mind manipulating techniques to create separate personalities in some of their clients. Other people believe individuals with this diagnosis are doing a really convincing fake job in order to get attention.  In fact, there has developed a secondary disorder where people convince themselves falsely that they have multiple personalities when in reality they only act like they do in order to get attention (They have a genuine deficit of attention and poor social skills so they respond to a variety of different stimuli/situations by acting like they have switched personalities.) Still others believe all personalities except the birth personality are demons. Then you have the people who see it as really one personality that is affected differently by different stimuli. It can get to be a really big and frustrating challenge to sort it all out. Some of the people who disagree about it have the credentials to indicate that they ought to be right, yet they disagree emphatically and with wide disparagement. So how in the world can a lay person possibly know what to believe?

While I have little trouble believing that there are some unethical professionals who may try to create separate personalities in their clients; and I know that demons can and do oppress and even possess people today and may chose to present themselves as separate personalities of the person, the very fact that there are so many false multiples seems to make the case that there are some legitimate cases.

So how do I know if I am a legitimate case or not? I think I will cover that in the next post.

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Marching Orders

Posted on November 29, 2011 by

10/28/11 Written by Plex (Sorry if this is confusing to anyone. We have (hopefully temporarily) lost the ability to post under anyone’s name except Abigail, so for the time being we will have to remember to add the name of the personality who is posting to the top of our posts.)

Have you ever had an experience that was so significant that your whole life takes on the perspective of being either “pre” this event or “post” this event? It might be good or bad, but it totally and permanently alters your whole perspective of life. Sometimes in the Bible this would happen when God showed up and changed a person’s name to signify that from that moment on this person was taking on a whole new identity, like when Abram became Abraham, and Jacob became Israel.

We had such an experience a couple decades ago, and for us it was unspeakably horrendous. We had been in a very severe crisis with the multiplicity, and all the people we had turned to were unable and/or unwilling to help us. A man from another state said he was both willing and able; but he was a stranger to us, and we would have to fly to his location and submit ourselves to his authority. There were external people telling us we should go and others cautioning us against it. We prayed for guidance, really seeking to do God’s will. In the end we went. I, Plex, was effectively muzzled; and every time I attempted to speak I was spiritually attacked. The person who we subjected ourself to believed I was a demon and extensive effort was exerted to silence me and force me to leave. After many hours every day of being confronted with this, I fled consciousness and never returned until a couple months ago. Other personalities carried on life without me, doing the best they could to recover from the trauma of that event in our life. When we returned home there was only one personality who was permitted to be out and in control. She had been brainwashed into believing every other personality was a demon and she was not to relinquish control to anyone else. All other personalities who had not fled consciousness had also been brainwashed to believe they were demons. [I need to note here that I am not using the term, brainwash, lightly or incorrectly. During the recovery process later we learned that the techniques used on us were well established techniques used by people to brainwash other individuals.] She was able to carry on with life and all it’s demands (on a woman who was in an abusive marriage and trying to provide for and protect 5 young dependent children) for about 2 months. Then she collapsed and “fell” into subconsciousness leaving only personalities who believed themselves to be demons to carry on in life. By God’s merciful grace we were able to be hospitalized by our dear psychiatrist who spent the next 5 months deprogramming personality after personality while our life was in constant threat of being ended by a personality who believed him/her self to be a demon being tormented by the voice of the man we turned to for help. At the end of those 5 months we were marginally functional but we still had 5 children dependent on our care, so we crisis managed to function for their sakes – it was a challenge of gargantuan proportions. For years we walked a tightrope attempting to be all that our external children needed, extricating ourself from an abusive marriage, and trying to learn to live life as a multiple – always pushing the need to truly heal from this extreme trauma into the background in order to function in the present. Part of that “living in the present” included becoming a close friend to a man who helped and supported us in many ways, and then years later becoming his marriage partner. All the while we did heal and grow and change, but always looming in the background was this trauma that was so extreme that we came to think of life as “pre” this event and “post” this even, never being able or willing to unpack the trauma that happened so that we could experience the deep healing that we needed from it.

So, you may be asking, what does that have to do with our current living? Please let me explain. Since God is in charge of who is out and when, whenever a new personality comes out we must discern why He has chosen us to be out now. Sometimes it is only for a brief moment and we don’t ever know why; but when there is a major shift in “outness” (like now when I am out after so long an absence and for such an extended length of time) we look for the reason – what healing task must we attend to. Today it became clear to me that I am out so that I can lead the fight in a major battle for our life. Today I received my marching orders.

 

This morning I spent some time with a very dear friend of mine while her son, a young man who truly deserves to be considered a modern day hero, was undergoing extensive surgery. In the course of our intimate discussion she proposed the perspective that this man of yester-years who had subjected us to this horrific trauma was like a mash unit who did his surgery in the trenches of a war zone in my life when no one else was able or willing to do anything and I was dieing in the battle. It’s true that his slap-together technique left me with painful shrapnel in my body and on-going disabling conditions; but it is also true that he preserved my life so that I would survive to limp along until the day when I could undergo further surgeries bringing about true healing. And I realized that she was exactly spot on, and now is the appointed time to go back to the trauma of yester-years and do the necessary surgeries to truly heal from that trauma. That is why I, Plex, am out now after all these years. It was I, Plex, who made the decision to go to this man and do as he said. And, while it is true that I have been out for the past couple months to work on healing from the abusive marriage I was in when I left consciousness and to become part of the forces in this current marriage; that was only the precursor to the real work I am out to do now which is to heal from that past trauma. That’s going to mean going back into the trenches, back into the war zone. Back then I was fighting for my survival; and today I/we will fight for our health and well being.

Why, you may ask, would anyone voluntarily go back into a war zone? Because I need to reclaim my life, my health; because there are others who are out there right now who need me to face my fears and overcome the challenges I face so that I can show them and help them in their own battles.

You might be one of the reasons I must go back and win this war once and for all; or you might be a support person for one. I am here for you. I am blogging, though I have no reason to believe that anyone other than a handful of friends who will ever read it, because this is part of making a difference for others who have been, are being, or will be wounded in the battles of their lives. If you are reading this blog, please pass it on. Clue your friends and family in. Join me/us in this healing journey toward freedom and well-being. (and it really would be nice if you could submit a comment or question on the blog so I know there are really those out there who are joining me/us on this journey)

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